I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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