And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
