Just cropdusted the office
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
