I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My bed smells like the plague
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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