The maid of honor just puked.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize