I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
