Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
