none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
