So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
