had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
