True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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