you mean i was at the winter classic?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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