Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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