i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
