How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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