You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
