It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
