I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
