He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
