dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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