I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
