guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
