Banned from zoo.
Again?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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