Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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