We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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