Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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