your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
