I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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