I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
