Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
