im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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