I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
