She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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