He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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