We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
