I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
