he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
