I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
