am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
