i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize