he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
