i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
