I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
