And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
