We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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