oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
