I don't usually arrange sex via text message
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
