So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
