11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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