Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
