Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
