haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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