I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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