we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
