the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize