I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
