I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
