2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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