Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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