I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
