My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
