its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I smell like Dick and happiness
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
