gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm eating all of the evidence.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
