Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize