I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh god it's open bar.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
