I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
