if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
