I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
