We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
