i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just crazy horny about you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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