His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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