No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize